Never Forgetting

I am never forgetting.
My mind refuses to let go.
I hate this hindrance it brings to my life, i want to scream, i want to tear the past away from reality.
I can't.
When your nightmares are recounting your past it's something that's hard to accept.
I wake up and lothe the moments where i question their truth; did it happen, or was it only a dream. I lay awake letting it hold me down, trap me beneath the covers, my mind racing with the possibilities of this actually happening again, remembering the first time it did happen. My stomach fills with weight again. It's everything it was before, the faked, forced smiles, not wanting to feel anything. Anything is better than this, and anything is better than what you did. None of this had to be this way, so much was right and you threw it away in selfishness, this cannot be erased. This cannot undo itself.